Harm OCD Recovery Stories: The Triumph of People with Harm OCD

Are you having a hard time letting go of your fear of hurting other people? Does it feel impossible to get these upsetting thoughts out of your mind? If so, you may be suffering from a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) referred to as “harm OCD.” Although, it can be confusing, distressing, and frightening to have these thoughts and fears, having them does not mean that you are a “bad” or evil person. It also does not mean that something is “broken” inside of you. 

If thoughts and fears of harming someone plague your days and nights, you may worry that something much more distressing, than harm OCD, is occurring. You may also worry that you could act on your thoughts and fears, which is highly unlikely. The truth is your thoughts and fears are just that – thoughts and fears – nothing more. Just because you have them, does not mean you will act on them. 

The good news is this type of OCD is highly treatable. In other words, you can recover from harm OCD. If you wondering if you are struggling with harm OCD, and if you can recover from it, keep reading because this article can help you determine if you have the condition and if you can recover from it.

What is OCD?

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a common, but chronic anxiety condition that is multilayered. More specifically, OCD affects millions of people throughout the world. OCD involves continuous, involuntary, and repetitive thoughts, fears, urges, mental images, worries, doubts (obsessions), and/or ritualistic behaviors (compulsions). Sometimes OCD only involves obsessions, and sometimes, it only involves compulsions. 

However, most of the time, it involves both obsessions and compulsions. Diagnosing and treating OCD can be tricky because there are many types of OCD, such as harm OCD. But regardless of the type, OCD can feel quite lonely. It can also damage or destroy your relationships, friendships, self-esteem and self-confidence, job prospects, etc., especially if left untreated. The good news is all types of OCD, including harm OCD, can be successfully treated with therapy, medication, or both!

What Harm OCD?

Harm OCD is characterized by a fear or thoughts of causing accidental or intentional harm to others, excessively worrying about or analyzing this fear or thoughts, and/or an urge to perform rituals, such as refusing to leave one’s home, drive a car or truck, staying away from knives and other sharp objects, and avoiding children or relationships to avoid to the risk of harming others.

People with harm OCD can have various thoughts about hurting people – even though that is unlikely to happen. Although these individuals know that these thoughts and fears are illogical, they still experience anxiety, and shame and guilt, merely because they are having these thoughts and fears. 

Harm OCD sufferers may also worry that these thoughts and fears mean they are actually capable of acting on them (i.e., doing something terrible to someone else at any time). This is most likely untrue, but that does not stop them from feeling that way.

Do Harm OCD Fears and Thoughts Vary?

Yes, there are different types of harm OCD fears and thoughts.

More specifically, the fear of “harm” in harm OCD can pretty much be anything. However, the most common “harm” is a fear of bodily injury. In other words, it is a fear or thoughts of doing physical harm to someone. For example, it is common for harm OCD sufferers to have thoughts and even urges to stab someone with a knife, physically bully someone, kidnap someone, run someone over with their car, beat someone up, shot someone with a gun, etc. Others with harm OCD may have emotional and/or sexual thoughts and fears. 

These individuals may worry about groping or having sex with a child or teen, touching someone inappropriately, spreading lies that lead to the suicide or self-harm of someone, cyber-bullying someone, breaking someone’s heart, and/or hurting someone’s feelings. These thoughts and fears are considered, “ego-dystonic” or unwanted and different from how OCD sufferers “see” themselves. Harm OCD sufferers worry that these thoughts, fears, and even urges mean that they are actually capable of killing someone – when they are most likely not.

How is Harm OCD Treated?

Harm OCD is treated like OCD, in general. In other words, harm OCD is treated with various therapies, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure-response and prevention (ERP) therapy. ERP therapy is a subtype of CBT and the “go-to” treatment for all types of OCD. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), hypnotherapy/hypnosis, DBT, EMDR, and TMS are other types of psychotherapies sometimes used to help to get obsessions and compulsions under control. 

When therapy alone does not work, medication is usually prescribed. SSRI antidepressants (these medications are designed to boost serotonin in the brain) like Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, and Zoloft. SSRIs are the first-line treatment because people with mental health conditions, like OCD, tend to have low levels of serotonin (serotonin deficiency) in their brains. Serotonin is a hormone/neurotransmitter responsible for your mood, behavior, and sleep quality. When therapy alone is ineffective, this is referred to as “treatment-resistant OCD.” 

Many OCD sufferers have also found some relief by adding natural remedies and self-help tools to their treatment plans. Natural remedies and self-help tools, like mindfulness meditation, CBD, crystals, healthy coping skills and strategies, journaling, art therapy, music therapy, spending quality time with friends and loved ones, adopting a healthy diet filled with lots of vitamins and minerals, exercise, quality sleep, OCD forums, support groups, books, and podcasts, and online OCD treatment programs, like Impulse Therapy, can be added to any OCD treatment program.

Can I Recover from Harm OCD?

Yes, it is definitely possible to recover from harm OCD.

Many people have done just that! 

Listed below are harm OCD recovery stories from people, who have successfully gotten their OCD symptoms under control:

Timae’s Story

“Hi, my name is Timae. Once upon a time, I was terribly scared of going insane. The intrusive thoughts about harming others, and the feelings that came along with those thoughts made me excessively worry that I was losing my mind. I was not losing my mind, however, the amount of anxiety I felt sure made it feel like I was on the break of going insane. Turns out, I was only suffering from a classic case of harm OCD. Though, there was a point in the middle of my obsession, where it was just like my psyche had changed. 

I wasn’t the same sweet and caring girl anymore. I started to think that I had turned into a sociopath. I remember the day it happened, I felt numb. I think it is safe to say I got hit with depression that day. I had no energy, but the anxiety was not present anymore. So, was it a backdoor spike? Probably, but regardless of that I never truly stopped obsessing. I remember feeling weird like a part of me was gone. Oddly enough, and as scary as it was, I missed the anxiety. I still miss it to this day. 

It was around this time that my “psyche changed,” and my symptoms started to get worse. I began to feel harm urges more frequently. I remember it feeling like I was restraining myself from going crazy. I remember crying and writing in a journal about how I felt like acting on my thoughts, while really not wanting to act on them at the same time. This experience messed me up for a long time because I had no idea that these “urges” were a common occurrence for people with OCD. They were just urges but they felt so terrifyingly real. 

To me, this experience was nothing, but proof that I was some sort of psychopath. So, I was really ashamed of it, and would get rid of any jackets I wore frequently around that time because they had bad memories attached to them. So, I just kept it a secret. Urges? What urges? I didn’t want to have anything to do with that part of me. I wish I didn’t waste time worrying over what were just ‘false feelings.’ I never wanted to hurt a soul. And, eventually, the urges went away. Thankfully, I don’t get them anymore.

One other thing that occurred during my urges phase was rumination, and I still struggle with that almost daily. When it first started, I was sitting in my history class, and the teacher mentioned something about how the punishment for stealing livestock in some countries, back in the day, was death. The teacher asked us how we felt about that, and one kid said that he thought it was harsh. In my mind, I thought, “How is that harsh?” I did not understand how it was harsh. What I had felt, felt genuine. Had I lost my empathy? I began to analyze it. 

I tried to find some sort of reason why I felt that way. I argued with myself to find the answers I wanted to hear myself. Nothing. I was confused about how this was harsh. I remember times, when I was riding the bus home and started to ruminate in the same fashion again, except my thought, was “What’s wrong with killing?” I felt the need to clear the confusion in my head because this thought would not go away until it felt right. I was doomed to repeat this action for years.

Throughout high school, I would pick up certain deep irrational thoughts to ruminate on, most of which were tied to my harm OCD. These thoughts seemed pretty serious to me, and they made me feel so confused. I felt like I had to figure them out. They didn’t really give me anxiety, I just obsessed over them. 

I’ll list some examples below:

• One of the thoughts was confusion about why we feel guilt, and I would literally argue in my mind that guilt was just chemicals in the brain, and therefore, does not hold real value. I did the same thing with love. I don’t remember the exact thought process, but it was just wacky.
• There was also a brief period when I had to ruminate on what exactly basic English words meant. I understood them, but I felt like I couldn’t truly process what they meant until I knew why and where they came from, etc.
• One time I couldn’t even make sense of the music. Was it just sound to me?
• My brother had told me about yin-and-yang once, and how it represents the balance between both good and evil. I’m not sure how accurate that is, but he said without good, there can be no evil, and without evil, there can be no good. This made me think that turning into a serial killer would be good because, without evil in the world (me), there would be no good. I literally ruminated on that… seriously, it concerned me that it made sense to me.
• This one didn’t even last more than a day but my mind once justified rape, and pedophilia…gross.
• One big argument about harm OCD was that I technically couldn’t kill anyone if there’s an afterlife cause the person killed would still be in existence.

Now, I can look back on these thoughts, and laugh at how ridiculous they are. All I did was stop thinking about them. However, were these thoughts genuine? They felt very rational to me, during my obsession. This whole rumination process felt like it could be something other than OCD. Maybe I’m borderline delusional? I can’t self-diagnose though.

You see, this part of me still worries me a lot. Lately, my arguments have been all sorts of bs about how death doesn’t matter because the person dead won’t care about anything, how we only care about life because we are alive and wired to, and how meaningless life is, in general. I probably missed one, but I can’t think of it at the moment. Either way, it’s all stupid stuff that randomly pops into my brain, and it makes me very depressed. I mean depressed to the point where I find it hard to eat. I don’t want to be the one who thinks this way!

What worries me is that I ruminate in a way that’s not common in OCD (or at least I don’t think it is). From what I have seen online, most people obsess if they did something if they are a bad person, or what something in particular means, maybe even something existential or trying to figure out what is real. Maybe, they just need a thought to feel right. I don’t go through any of that, and it makes me doubt myself. I feel pretty alone on this. Chances are, I’m a bit in denial about if this is obviously OCD, or in denial that I don’t have OCD.

There’s no denying that OCD plays a huge role in all this. I strongly believe that it would be ridiculous to say otherwise. My past with this condition is the reason why I’m here today. Though, I can barely see my current symptoms as OCD. Treatment has helped me regain most of my life. My OCD is better now, and I am living more of a normal life. But I still get afraid that my OCD symptoms will come back one day. But for now, I’m doing much better.”

Simone’s Story

“Hi, my name is Simone. At the age of 17, it felt like a switch had gone off in my head. I was no longer just a socially-anxious teenager, but within 24 hours it felt like my whole world had changed. I was scared of myself, ridden with guilt, anxious about things I’d have never thought twice about, and for once in my life, I was second-guessing, who I thought I was, and the morals I stood by.

Harm and schizophrenia OCD really took a hit. It truly convinced me that I was hearing voices in my head, hallucinating, wanting to commit acts that I never thought I would have, and that I was destined to end up in prison or a psychiatric hospital. Scared and hopeless was a complete understatement. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone due to the fear of being judged, or reported to the police.

That’s when I first reached out for help. Unfortunately, the police didn’t understand OCD, so there was a non-stop supply of reassurance every session. Thankfully, in 2019, I came across Rob Bray’s Instagram, and I finally felt hope! I no longer felt alone. Through his content, multiple 1-1 sessions and seminars, reading the suggested books through and through, and most importantly learning to live my life despite my OCD. Now, I barely notice I have it.

Of course, I do have my ups and downs, but I never thought getting to this point was a possibility. I feel at peace again. Truthfully, despite how unpleasant and scary my OCD was. I am grateful for it because now, I have tools equipped for life and a mindset that I never had before this journey. Recovery is 1000% possible.”

Erikka’s Story

“Hi, my name is Erikka. It has been a trying year, but also worth it. I struggled hard. For the first probably 8-9 months, it was a battle every day. I fought these thoughts in my head so hard and for so long! My journey began in January 2015. Just a month after I gave birth to my precious baby boy, Kade Ryan. I began having these morbid thoughts of harming him. I really thought I had lost my mind. I went to a doctor in absolute tears. I pretty much dropped to my knees and began begging him to take this from me. He diagnosed me with anxiety and sent me to a psychologist, who also told me that I was suffering from postpartum anxiety. 

This was not ‘just anxiety.’ I was consumed with sexually-intrusive thoughts and then harm thoughts the second I saw my son in the mornings, and it nearly killed me. Why? Why was this happening to me? A year and a half, a psychiatrist told me exactly why! Finally, after everyone told me that it was not OCD, and it was ‘just anxiety!’ This doctor took one look at me and diagnosed me with harm OCD within a few seconds. I was beyond relieved. This was possibly one of the best days of my life! If you are a mom reading this, you are not alone. There is help for you. There is someone out there that can show you the way. It’s a process and it’s hard, but we are so resilient!”